I stayed up late stressing about work. I woke up early and spent extra time making sure I didn't look as sloppy as usual. I started work at 7am. The day went multitudes better than I ever could have hoped. I am not doing a shitty job. I'm actually doing a good amount of right. I know people tell me I'm doing great all the time but it doesn't mean shit because no one knows how to do my job better. I have no one I can go to with "well what would you do if x y z?" . I left at 4:15pm to meet a coworker for drinks. The coworkers and drinks multiplied and it was good. Then it was 9pm and I was still there.
I always enjoy listening to other people. I really enjoy knowing what it is that's made up a particular person. Even if there was previous dislike- I have a hard time not finding some sort of love for a person that's been made up from some amount of the same things as myself. I know that I can be horrible, and maybe that person is horrible for similar reasons. Maybe they just need whatever it is that I'm missing, and maybe they'll figure it out before I do.
One glass was broken, and the bar closed about the time I was having a half decent conversation with someone I'd never really conversed with. Drinking seems to help anyone along with the words they shoved in their stomach when they were teenagers. I have been drinking a lot lately, socially, for the most part.
I'm torn between being disgusted and pleased. I used to have friends that would tell stories, talk and be happy or talk and be sad with no drinking. I myself am trying my hardest to remain quiet as possible. I hate listening to myself and when I find myself telling someone about this place I went or person I used to care about it's just- ugh. I definitely struggle with alcohol loosening my tongue.
Boys and Girls
I could elaborate on this but I'll pass for now.
are hot. No- I'm kidding. I don't have anything pierced. I pierced my own eyebrow with a safety pin several times in middle/high school- that's gone. I have gone through several ideas for tattoos over the years. I told myself if I was ever happy with an idea for more than a year, I'd do it. I wore a ring on my lip for probably two years, and never found the need to make that permanent. I had a lot of different sleeve ideas involving dandelions, but, they kept changing. (I love dandelions in fuzzy form, about as much as I like the stars and the ocean- they are just neat, and things that can make me think for a lot of hours.)
I think during a lull in conversation at work, I figured out exactly what I want, where.
I'm not going to go into it too much, but I'd like to get a white ink tattoo on my upper arm to help cover up a scar (yes, white ink = scar looking, but it wouldn't look like what it does now). I've been avoiding tank-tops since I was 14 or so as a result of this scar- so it's only going to make me more able to feel like a normal person? I don't know. Still thinking on it- but fairly certain.
I'm getting lazy so to briefly touch on the other two subjects;
I don't get enough sleep. I wake up two or more times a night. Sometimes I remember my dreams and they're good or awful- this is unusual for me. I repeatedly have a dream where I knowingly walk into water with my phone in my pocket. This is something I seem to have in common with almost everyone that services the type of phone I have.
I love crawling in to bed at the end of the day and burrowing under heaps of heavy blankets. I hate that I'm starting to associate bed with hours failing at sleeping / waking up at odd times / looking at the clock and being annoyed etc.